Today as just another day I guess. I had lunch with a new friend. She is 70 years old and full of so much energy in her own way. She is extremely busy in this small town, trying to make changes, she has made changes in the 36 years she has been here. I am glad to have her in my life for how ever long she is supposed to be here. My neighbor got me a staircase ladder for my pool today, Someone down the road was getting rid of it, so he brought it to me, I have cleaned it up and my daughter and I put it together and in the pool. Now big or small, you can get in and out of my pool easily. I am going to the concert in the park tonight, it is free entertainment for me and it gets me out and around others for a while anyway. Then I come back and cocoon myself in to my house so no one can bother me. I smoke my medical marijuana and do what I feel like doing. Enjoying not having to do something for someone else I suppose but at the same time missing the energy of a big family around me all the time. It is a hard thing to get used to. Not having so many around me all the time. I grew up the youngest of five. We had a lot of cousins, aunts, uncles and I had all the grandparents any kid could need. 🙂
I got married and had a baby when I was 16 years old. Before I was 22 years old, I had 3 children and a husband who was never around, he was always working. My husband and I divorced 6 years later, our youngest was six months old. I met another man right away, we got together, we got married. He was the eldest of 6 kids. Again, I am surrounded by people, always surrounded by people. Then my son moved to his father’s house, I got divorced for the second time. My eldest child, a girl, moved out at 17. I was left with my youngest and she was mad at all of us. So we both went into a depression I guess. then the next man, he became my husband. He was not so much into family, at least not his. Not really anyone’s family except me, him and our kids, his and mine from our perspective marriages. Then 7 years later, we divorce. Now it is me and my youngest again and she is an adult.
We have been on our own for six years now and we have had some experiences together that no one can ever take away or understand how we got to where we are now. But together we have healed and grown as people and as mother and daughter. But still, the quiet is sometimes to quiet, the silence is too silent and sometimes being alone is too lonely now. I trust in God to get me through all of this, as he has gotten me through so much in the past, why wouldn’t he get me through everything in the here and now and the future. I trust He will. Do you?